This past Saturday afternoon and most of the evening I went and
looked after my friend’s two kids. He has a daughter of 8 and a
son of 5; they are two of the most entertaining, questioning,
occasionally-infuriating Small People I have ever met, and it’s
always a joy to spend time with them. Sometimes, of course, it’s
even more joyful to give them back…
I digress. So. Saturday. The weather was appalling on
Saturday; I had to go to out in the morning and got absolutely
soaked, so there was no way in hell I was going to take the kids out
anywhere after I'd just dried myself off (I am a cruel and horrible person, who insists on her own
creature comforts taking priority over small children’s desires to
go out and jump in puddles or play football in the mud. So sue me),
and so I decreed an afternoon of snuggling on the sofa watching
Disney films. We even had snacks. That’s how good an
auntie I am, people – I will feed your children potato-based edible goods
with glasses of squash. Mary bloody Poppins, me…
I digress. Again. (I do that, sorry…) So yes. Disney films.
Between me and the kids, we must have at least two thirds of the
‘classic’ Disney films and all the Disney/Pixar ones. They have
loads, whereas my collection is smaller but, I like to think,
more discerning. So I packed up my DVDs and trundled over to their
house for a cosy afternoon/evening reliving my childhood as we took
it in turns to pick a film to watch. There were only three ground rules for
our Disney experience.
1) No
“High School Musical”, “Hannah Montana” or anything of that
ilk. Mostly because they’re basically rubbish, but actually
because we were doing what I see as ‘proper’ Disney – animated films or Pixar/CGI-based ones only (plus
that got me out of watching poxy “Mary Poppins”, which is one of
the worst films I have ever seen in my entire life and brings out
unnaturally violent tendencies in my Good Self. It did also
mean no “Bedknobs and Broomsticks”, infinitely superior to
Poppins in every way, and also no “Enchanted” which I love in
spite of myself, but sometimes we must make sacrifices for the
Greater Good).
2) No
“The Princess and the Frog”. Now I have heard excellent
things about TPatF – 1920’s New Orleans setting, spunky
non-white heroine who has Big Dreams (which aren't “find True
Love”), excellent soundtrack, return to ‘Classic Disney’
animation – but it has one fatal flaw. Frogs. Given my phobic
pathological terror of frogs there is no way in hell I can bring
myself to watch it; I tried once, but had to admit defeat and sit
whimpering in a corner. The only frog I’m not scared of is
Kermit. Fact. So TPatF was out.
3) Absolutely,
categorically no “Frozen”. Under any circumstances.
Just…no. In spite of the 8 Year Old loving it to death and
singing that bloody “Let It Go” song every five minutes, I had to put
my foot down. “Frozen” is a cinematic abomination which should
be burned at the stake, along with every critic and Disney executive
who bleats “but it’s feminist!!” No. No it isn't.
It’s hideous. (Incidentally, for a really good deconstruction of
said film which chimes quite nicely with my own feelings – and
which is surprisingly in-depth in relation to looking at other
Disney ‘Princess’ films as well – this is a really good thing
for you to read:
https://medium.com/@directordanic/the-problem-with-false-feminism-7c0bbc7252ef
It says everything far more eloquently than I ever could, mainly
because I get so blinded with rage when it comes to this film I
become incoherent…)
And so, ground rules in place, we proceeded to go on a Magical
Mystery Tour of Disney films. Blimey. I’d
actually forgotten how good some of those early films were.
Obviously Pixar are basically geniuses (geni-i?) who only seem to
falter occasionally (“Cars” and “Aeroplanes” weren’t so
great, but they did “Brave”, “Wall-E” and “Up” as well
and so are pretty much forgiven for everything else), but I haven’t
sat and watched a lot of the early animated stuff, or the so-called “Disney
Renaissance” films in years, and so it was surprisingly really good to sit and
watch them again.
Now clearly if I was going to be objective, scientific and analytic about it I could pretty much pull every single one of these movies
apart with my teeth and bare hands. They certainly have their flaws
– how many would pass the Bechdel Test, for example, and why oh why
is being a Pretty Princess and finding True Love the raison d’être
for most of them? As a fully-grown, fairly rational woman who
considers herself a paid-up member of the feminist cause I should be
ripping them to shreds for the whole, “Someday Your Prince Will
Come, so long as you’re Beautiful, Good, have an affinity for
singing anthropomorphic animals and can Overcome Terrible Adversity,
often in the form of a wicked female relative” bullshit they peddle
– but I got so caught up in just how bloody good they are that I
kinda forgot to be objective. My bad...?
No. Mot definitely not my bad.
I mean this is Disney, people! Proper, Classic Disney!!
Cinderella! Sleeping Beauty! Beauty and the Beast! Aladdin! Peter
Pan! Robin Hood! The Aristocats! The Little Mermaid! Mulan!
Pocahontas! The Lion King!
How can you not love this stuff?!! And we didn't even get
on to “Tangled” or “Brave” or any of the other Pixar/CGI ones
because we were too busy watching the old-school, hand-drawn classics
and loving it.
So yes, I totally left aside my cynicism and put my Inner Raging
Feminist in her box (“stop with all this ‘one day my Prince will
come’ crap and get some perspective, love!” etc) and instead
totally embraced my Inner Child. I still know all the songs in “The
Little Mermaid” and maintain that Ariel was a role model for us wild rebellious redheads long before Merida came along. I can still recite chunks of “The Aristocats”
word for word. “Beauty and the Beast” is still my favourite
Disney film ever. “Mulan” is still a kick-ass heroine who
gets brutally short-changed by society-at-large not appreciating the
awesomeness of this film. We all cried at Mufasa’s death in “The
Lion King” and danced to all the songs for no reason. I had
totally forgotten what a good film “Pocahontas” actually is, in
spite of the blatant fabrication of the actual historical events, and
still think “Colours of the Wind” is one of the best songs Disney
ever concocted.
That’s not the half of it, either. Having watched all these again
I now want to go back and watch some of the other ones I loved as a
kid which don’t seem to get as much love these days. Oliver and
Company. The Rescuers (man, I wanted to be as classy as Bianca!) An
American Tail. Basil the Great Mouse Detective. Heck, I could
probably even sit through Hercules again without wanting to scratch
my eyes out (Hades was pretty cool, now that I think about it…)
Having looked into the Disney films I remember watching as a kid,
Wikipedia has just furnished me with a whole list of films which I’d
either forgotten about or didn't know Disney actually did (“The
Swiss Family Robinson” being a case in point – I wanted to race a
zebra), so I fear I may have reached some kind of dreadful tipping
point of sanity.
And this is where I am confused. I genuinely don’t understand how
a company which can produce something as brilliant and groundbreaking
(for its time) as “Fantasia” or “Beauty and the Beast” can
then proceed to dump all over its legacy with the likes of bloody
“Frozen”. Guys. Come on. You’re Disney. As much as
we all bitch and moan about how terrible these films are (“not
feminist, terrible role models for girls etc etc etc) – all of
which may be true to a greater or lesser extent – it’s what you
do. And you do it better than anyone. Do you know how many
times I have sat over my 32 years of existence on this planet and
wept – genuinely, broken-heartedly wept – over the fate of
a fictional, animated, usually anthropomorphic animal you have
created? I still can’t watch Mufasa’s death in “the Lion King”
without welling up; what you did to Bambi’s mother traumatised me
from a very early age and don’t even get me started on the agonies
I suffered over poor Alice’s plight when she got lost in
Wonderland. My mother will tell you how inconsolable I was aged
about 3 watching that. People don’t watch Disney films for
some “right-on” feminist message or as a study in race relations
(come on, like you’d ever get “Song of the South” made these
days). Although to be fair, Disney, this doesn't excuse you from
any of the charges laid at your door. Just so you don’t, y’know,
get complacent or anything...no, people watch them because they are pure
heart-warming, entertaining escapism, a fact I had completely forgotten until
this weekend in my rush to be all "right on" and condescending and snippy.
So no, they might not be bastions of feminism or give little girls (and little boys, for that matter) the "right" idea about life. They may very well be patronising, self-serving, twee and entirely without merit in this cynical world we seem to so pride ourselves on living in. And yet I have a feeling I'll be digging out more of these films over the
weeks to come. I may tell myself it’s because I want to rip them
to shreds for their failure to produce anything even vaguely
resembling an appropriate role model for girls, (“just be pretty
and vaguely needy and Prince Charming will come and sweep you off
your feet!") but I have a sneaky suspicion it’ll actually have more
to do with the fact I just want to escape for a bit and feel like a
kid again.
Now where did I hide “Cinderella”…?
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