Thursday 29 November 2012

Opinions Are Like Bellybuttons...

...everyone except Sheldon Cooper has them (Sheldon, of course, has Facts).  


So the shortlist for the BBC Sports Personality of the Year contest has been announced this week and unsurprisingly, given the fact that Britain was the Olympic and Paralympic host country this summer, the list is dominated by several of our Golden Guys and Gals from those blistering, breathtaking weeks.  Take a bow Jessica Ennis, Mo Farah, Nicola Adams, Ben Ainslie, Katherine Grainger, Ellie Simmonds, Sarah Storey, David Weir, Sir Chris Hoy, Bradley Wiggins, Andy Murray and Rory McIlroy.  Trying to choose a top three from this list is enough to send a person crazy; trying to choose one overall winner is surely impossible.  I honestly cannot make up my mind which one I would go for; every time I think I have my top 3 (out of the 8 I’m really rooting for), I remember something someone else did and end up confused and bewildered all over again.  Let’s face it, between the Tour de France, the Ryder Cup and the two summer Games, we’ve been slightly spoilt for choice this year; coming up with a shortlist of twelve (more than the usual) must have been an absolute nightmare.

Sadly, however, Joe Public’s response to the list has been frankly ludicrous, for the most.  While I fully agree with people who have mentioned several notable ‘omissions’ (where in the hell is my Hannah Cockcroft nomination, people?!!  And why is there no nomination for Alistair and/or Johnny Brownlee, who were immense in the triathlon?  And were those of you compiling the shortlist not watching Jonnie Peacock silencing an entire stadium of 80,000 people with one finger?  And what the hell happened to the nomination for Laura Trott, which is the one most people seem to keep picking up on?  Plus away from the Olympic/Paralympic hoopla – what happened to Dario Franchitti?!!  How many more times does the guy have to be awesome before he gets a nod?), there have been some comments made that really, really put my back up.  Brace yourselves, people.  This one might get a little ‘ranty’…

Firstly, all those people moaning about Andy Murray being included “because he has no personality”.  Oh for goodness sake.  Now I’m not exactly the world’s greatest Murray fan (not if he’s playing my beloved Djokovic, anyway!) but to be a) so predictable and b) so pathetic is, frankly, pitiful.  So he may not be Mr Life and Soul of the Party or whatever when he’s interviewed.  That’s because he is a professional tennis player!!!  Not a professional party animal or a professional comedian or anything – a tennis player.  His job is to go out there and try to win his matches, and then try to deal with some moronic reporter shoving a microphone under his nose and asking stupidly-trite questions without either crying or yelling or punching Sue Barker.  You try it sometime and see how you get on.  He is not there to make you laugh or entertain you in any way other than by producing some bloody great tennis.  He’s being professional.  Look it up in a dictionary, would you?  And while you’re at it, look up the definition of “personality”.  Astonishingly, it has more than one meaning.  Guess which one they’re going for in this particular instance…?

Secondly, the ‘vote for John Terry’ campaign.  Ha ha, very funny.  Stop, my aching sides.  No really, stop, would you?  Otherwise I might scream, and I can go supersonic…I won’t go into a rant about this one because I think anyone with half a brain cell can figure out why that waste of space shouldn’t even be mentioned in the same breath as any of the other nominees – even Frankel and he’s a bloody horse!!!  Moving on…

…to the thing which has really, really, really got my back up.  Right now my back is so up I resemble Quasimodo.  I cannot fathom the sheer level of utter plebbiness of the moronic pond life that pass for members of the human race.  It makes me weep for humanity.  And for my own soul…

There are some people who have been questioning the inclusion of the three Paralympic athletes in the shortlist.  I will say that again.  People have been questioning the inclusion of David Weir (four gold medals, in a wheelchair), Ellie Simmonds (two golds, a silver and a bronze, not to mention smashing two world records while she did so, born with achondroplasia) and Sarah Storey (four gold medals in cycling, missing her left hand).  The reason for this?  Because they compete in the Paralympics and therefore in a smaller ‘talent pool’ than the likes of, say, Usain Bolt or Michael Phelps.

Ok, I’ll admit it – there are more able-bodied people in the world than there are disabled/differently-abled.  This is a fact of life, a quirk of fate, whatever you want to call it.  There always has to be an ‘other’ to something and, in the case of humanity, it is disability.  You don’t have to be Einstein to suss this out (as I have just proved by mentioning it here in my blog).  But you know what?  FOUR GOLD MEDALS.  How many have you got, Mr Four-Fully-Functioning-Limbs?  FOUR GOLD MEDALS.  You must have more than that, right, Mrs-Two-Hands?  TWO SMASHED WORLD RECORDS.  What have you got, Mr-and-Mrs-Average?

That’s right.

Nothing.

Because sadly for you being a moron hasn’t yet been approved as a sport by the IOC.  (But don’t give up hope – as soon as it is, you’re a sure fire winner for the title).

Ugh.

Allow me to illustrate the pointlessness of the seething mass of humanity with a few choice comments from the article on the BBC News website announcing the shortlist.  (Inability to spell and brain-dead statements all the “intellectual” property of their appropriate authors…)

“The paralympians faced a minute talent pool to compete against and thus in comparison to other professional sportspeople, shouldn't be up there. We're not supposed to look at tem as disabled right? Well then, there are more deserving people due to their feats against stronger competition. We've moved on from tokenism surely, and will get us no further.” – Nick Ebrell

Well, Mr Ebrell, I refer you to my above statement.  But by all means, since you form part of the larger ‘talent pool’, give Usain Bolt and Yohan Blake a call and book yourself in for the 100m final at the next world championships.  After all, it will make their achievement so much more incredible that they were able to go out against the rest of the wo…oh, hang on a minute.  That’s right, I almost forgot.  Like all other professional sportsmen and women they only compete against a tiny pool of like-minded and similarly-able individuals.  I guess that renders your argument invalid.  Next!

“Agree with number one. As much as the media tried making out, the paralympics registered very little...” – Our friend Mr Ebrell again.

Presumably you were on Mars for the eleven days of the Paralympics then, Nick?  And for the build up of at least a year beforehand?  In that case, I entirely forgive you for making the above statement.  You weren’t?  Oh.  Fail.  Presumably the fact that the 2012 Paralympics was the first Games to have ever sold out and the fact Channel Four cleared their schedules after the first two days due to public demand escaped your notice.  What were you doing, harvesting belly-button fluff?  Moving on…

“The example of Zinardi winning endurance events at 46 years old, while it is an inspiring achievement, shows there simply isn't the level of competition you find in the olympics. To say there is - Is just patronising nonsense.” – Il Pirata

Ooh, this one is possibly one of my favourites!!  Firstly, Mr Pirata (not your real name, I suspect; at least our friend Nick has the courage to identify himself), it’s ZAnardi, not ZInardi.  Secondly, your level of stupid is sublime.  Alex Zanardi nearly died in an absolutely horrific motor racing accident.  He nearly DIED.  As a result he lost both his legs and is now a Paralympic handbiking champion (2 golds and a silver, actually).  To put that into context for you, this involves ‘pedalling’ with your hands.  For miles.  Let’s see you try it and then tell me it doesn’t have the same level of competition as any other cycling event.  The man is, quite simply, an outstanding athlete.  Clearly you didn’t see the events though.  Your loss, frankly…

“Three Para-Olympians just smacks of quotas and isn't representative of general opinion. They are inspirational as a group but not memorable as individuals”. – Chris

Quotas?  Quotas?!!  What is this, the battle for cod fishing rights in the North Atlantic?!!  I refer you again to four gold medals, four gold medals, two smashed world records and two gold medals with a silver and bronze thrown in for good measure…

“At least 5 of this year's nominees are tokenism either because they are women or representative of disability but you would never get to hear of them as proper sporting interest. Finding success at the Olympics and Paralympics while done little else does not make them a sporting personality.” – hizento

Well, well, so we’ve gone from quotas to tokenism.  It must be silly-season, right?  Even my cat knew who Jessica Ennis was before the Olympics; she was the ‘Face of the Games’, for gods sake!  Were you living under a rock?!!

“I'm sorry if people get upset but there are a hugely disproportionate number of disabled athletes in this list. Look at the number of able bodied athletes compared to disabled and I'd be surprised if the ratio is 0.1/% not the 25% in this list. Positive discrimination it may be but discrimination it is none the less and that does a huge diservice to all athletes who've competed this year.” - RememberScarborough

Ri-ight…guess what?  I’m upset.  If anything, I think there should be more Paralympians in there (Hannah Cockcroft!  Jonnie Peacock!!  Dudes, where were you, seriously?!!)  In fact this year was so extraordinary that I think they should have had a separate load of awards (besides the medals, obviously) just for Team GB and Paralympics GB because they were extraordinary!!

“Hideously PC list. Where is Alastair Brownlee? Where is Alastair Cook? Where is Laura Trott? I haven't even heard of Sarah Storey, and Grainger took 4 attempts to win gold? Wow she must be amazing. Perhaps if Brownlee had a withered hand he'd have got in? Token nominations to fit the PC bill. BBC hang your head in shame!” – Steve Bradley

I’ll give you Laura Trott and Al Brownlee.  But Cooke?!!  Ah hahahaaaaaa!!!  I’m sorry, what have the cricket team done this year, exactly?  Or him personally?  Do shut up.

“Eliie was swimming against people with arms and legs missing. Now call me the cynic (and I'm no swimming expert) but you can't tell me beating them at swimming is not that great an achievement; small bodied or not. :-(

Ellie - ridiculous choice. Ennis the same. She won 1 gold medal. So did many other's, but not all are implanted in to 'Lord' Coe's clique.” – Bazza the Bubble

Someone should have listened to LEXI, clearly…

There are other various delightful comments in similar veins, but it basically boils down to the fact that the Paralympians shouldn’t be there because there are less of them competing so it’s a smaller playing field therefore their achievements are less and they only got listed because of tokenism/the PC brigade.  *facepalms*  What complete and utter twaddle, says I.  I know everyone’s entitled top their opinion but actually some of this could be classed as quite offensive – I couldn’t post some of the more moronic posts because the dear old Beeb deleted them.  Just as well, really…

Anyway, to end this rant on a much more positive note, I think I finally decided who my choice is.  For his sheer tenacity, determination and astonishing sporting prowess, for his brilliant personality and ferocious competitive spirit, for four gold medals in less than two weeks, and for making me scream for 5000 meters and then burst into tears of joy after my tears of disappointment that Oscar Pistorius was robbed on the line – for making my evening at the Olympic Stadium so utterly astonishingly memorable and joyous – I will be voting for the Weirwolf himself.  Ahhhh-oooooooohhhhh!!

Wednesday 24 October 2012

The First Rule of Book Club...

...is that you must never, under any circumstances, talk about the book you were supposed to have read.  Them's the rules, kid...

Actually, that's not strictly true.  Tonight was the third anniversary of our Book Club and I can honestly say that joining was one of the best things I've ever done.  Not only have I read things I would never have picked up of my own volition - and enjoyed them - but I have made some truly wonderful friends as a result.  Admittedly we don't dissect the book to within an inch of its life or do any of those bizarre "questions for book clubs" you so often find in the back of novels, but we talk a lot, laugh a lot and eat a lot!  And we also support each other - tonight's book, for example, was the unedited manuscript of my novel, which while faintly terrifying was actually a really good experience for me: I got invaluable feedback from people I trust and from a diverse background of interests.  Whereas your mother is contractually obliged to greet every scrawled offering with "but it's simply wonderful, darling!!!" I knew my Book Club friends would be honest without deliberately hurting my feelings, and they didn't let me down.  Ladies, I am eternally grateful to you all; I know it can't have been easy reading 300+ pages of unedited drivel, especially knowing my slightly skewed take on life, and I promise you that should the book ever make it into print form you will be the first people mentioned in the acknowledgements.

Here's to another successful year of Book Club and more stories, more chat, more laughs, more food and more fun.  You truly are a wonderful bunch and I'm privileged to know you all!

Monday 22 October 2012

Light in the Darkness...

You know when you have one of those days where you wake up after a bad night's sleep and it's all grey and misty and drizzly and, well, Monday?  Yeah, today was *that* day...even with all my "positive mental attitude" insistence today it was not easy to maintain for very long, especially after reading about the horrible trolls on Twitter who thought it would be "funny" (I use the term loosely) to threaten Adele and her new baby boy and by making "jokes" (again, loosely) about horrible things happening to the baby.  I wish I was kidding.  Some people are just...well, yeah.  Let's not go there, eh?

BUT!  This blog is not for dwelling on the Negative Nancy's of the world, oh no!!  This is my own personal haven of unicorns and rainbows and...ok, let's not go overboard.  You might all think there was something wrong with me if I suddenly started all that nonsense, after all, so let's try and at least keep things as real as it's possible for my weird and wonderful brain to allow...so having spent ten minutes of my lunch break getting increasingly irked with said trolls, I decided desperate measures were called for.  As always, my answer is "GIG!"

I should explain.  Music is generally my go-to "thing" for dealing with my moods or calming me down when the sheer level of stupid in the world has me ready to rip people's heads off, and seeing live music is pretty much the pinnacle of sorting out a full-blown hissy fit (I figure it's that or 25-to-life in Holloway).  So since I was pretty much ready to go full-on Vesuvius by 1pm, I thought it was in everyone's best interests if I trotted over to Stargreen to have a quick look-see at who is touring in the next couple of months, either to point and laugh or go "how much?!!" at the ridiculous ticket prices.  And there it was.  Top of the page.  The answer to my poor blood pressure's prayers.  February 12th 2013, London - The 69 Eyes.  I squealed...

The 69 Eyes are one of my "weird" Finnish bands, as Certain People insist on calling them, but I absolutely adore them.  The lead singer, Jyrki, has a voice that just sends shivers down my spine; I don't find him particularly attractive but when he sings...dear God, it does things to a girl, I'm telling you.  I first discovered them back in 2004, when I first got into Nightwish and was all "what-other-amazing-bands-does-Finland-have-ohmigod-tell-me-NAOW!!!" about it; thatnks to the wonders of t'internet I came across all kinds of bands, some of which have stuck with me ever since (Apocalyptica, Turisas), others which, um, haven't.  But 69 Eyes were definite stickers; not only were they waaaaaaay goth, which appealed to my kookiness back then, but they did a song called Brandon Lee and then there was that voice!!!  Now I never in a million years thought I'd see them in the UK - mainly because I go "69 Eyes!!" and the rest of the country goes "eh?" - but lo and behold, to the UK they come.  In February.  And I'm going.  Not only is it cheap, it's too good a chance to pass up.  So I will get my Goth on and go...  :D  And I really, really hope they play this song, because it's the first one of theirs I ever heard and I love it.


Happy days!!! 

Sunday 21 October 2012

All You Need Is Positivity...

Wow, did I really just quote the Spice Girls in a blog title?  That's a bit...scary.  But actually the Spicies were right - all you need IS positivity...well, I guess you need love too, but that's quoting the Beatles and would totally ruin my analogy-thing so we won't go there.  My blog, my rules...  :p

I've been thinking a lot about positivity over the past few months.  I try hard not to be negative about things in my day-to-day existence - I think it stems from having depression as a teenager and never wanting to go back to that horrible spiral - but there are times when I find myself channelling the negative energy instead of the positive, whether that's internalised ("oh my god, I hate my nose/boobs/whatever!") or externalised ("more war/death/tragedy in the world - the news is so terrible!!")  I know I'm not the only one who has days like this; it seems to be inbuilt into the human species to be almost entirely negative, critical and downbeat about things.  Or maybe that's just us Brits, where our pessimism is as synonymous with our fair island as our rain...Either way, there are times when I get heartily sick of the rest of the world, both in cyberspace and in Real Life, for its constant Bad Attitude towards both things and people.  My granny always used to say if you can't say anything nice to people then don't say anything at all; in this, as in so many other ways, my grandmother has proved to be a Wise Woman.  It's why I can't understand the mentality of people who (to use an example drawn from recent RL) would go onto the blog of the former Nightwish singer and read it, only to go onto the Nightwish forum and then moan about how said blog is "childish", "trivial" and "pointless".  If it's that bad, in your humble opinion, then why read it?!!  No one's holding a gun to your head and saying "you must read this every single day or else!"; if it isn't your particular cup of tea, just ignore it.  And stop carping about it and trying to bring others down!

The thread for this recent focus on positivity, however, stems from the reaction to the Paralympic Games in London this summer.  The Olympics, after traditional pessimistic British moaning, proved to be an utterly rip-roaring success but it was the perhaps somewhat surprising response of the country - and the rest of the world - to the Paralympics which really struck a chord with me.  Sydney in 2000 was probably the first time the Paras got given the same attention as the Olympic Games, but it was the London Games which really set the Paralympic movement alight and I for one could not be happier about it.  So many of the athletes commented on the positive way the Games were received by the British public, who roared on athletes from all over the world at a variety of events; so many of them also commented on the positive way people in Britain view disability in general which, given the current focus of our Government on welfare reform and the disability living allowance in particular, seemed particularly pertinent at the time. But the one thing I really loved about the Paras, apart from the utterly astonishing sport we got to see, was the way the public responded.  If an athlete did well they were lauded as the phenomenal sportspeople they were, with no patronising comments along the lines of "well, s/he did so well, considering s/he has no legs/arms/whatever".  And if an athlete performed "under par" they were subjected to the same scrutiny Wayne Rooney would receive after a particularly bad game for Manchester United.  There was no allowance made for the athletes disability; when Oscar Pistorius made a rather uncharacteristic outburst after being beaten in the 200m final, he was treated by both the press and the public as any other sportsperson would be treated - with surprise, disappointment and, in some cases, downright fury.  

The 2012 Paralympic Games provided some of the most inspirational moments I have ever seen.  It also allowed us to celebrate diversity and difference while realising that, actually, there aren't that many differences between us after all.  And what really inspired and moved me - what still does move me - is the hugely uplifting positive attitude shown by both competitors,public and journalists alike.  Channel 4 cleared their schedules for the coverage of the Games after two days; if you'd told me that in the run-up to the 2012 Games, I'd have laughed in your face.  But everyone was so overwhelmingly positive it became all but impossible to not become emotional about the Paras; to not cheer for an athlete from some far-flung land because they were providing us with some of the most amazing sport this country has ever seen.  It was absolutely, jaw-droppingly positive and I don't think Britain has ever experienced anything like it.

The last word on this has to go to one of my personal heroes, Oscar Pistorius.  Now I know there are people who will say "any old excuse - she fancies him rotten!" which is true, but besides fancying him rotten I have a huge amount of respect not just for him as an athlete but as a person, and a massive part of that is the way he was raised.  His parents never made "allowances" for his disability; he was never "coddled" or singled out and told "you can't do that because of your disability", and it was the likes of Oscar and the other hugely-talented sportsmen and -women at the London 2012 Paralympic Games who stood up and told the world "yes you can."  


Whenever I have days where I doubt myself or grow tired of the negativity I think about Oscar, or Johnnie Peacock, or David Weir and Hannah Cockcroft, and I suddenly realise that, actually, there is an awful lot of positive energy out there after all...

Bonjour, Blogverse!!

Well, it's been a while.  Far too long, in fact, hence why I've decided I'm going to start this whole 'blog' thing again - I got so embarrassed at the gaps in my last blog I couldn't bring myself to just carry on with it, so decided it was best to start again with a clean slate.  Well, as clean a slate as little old me can manage...  :p

So, here we are, then.  Shiny new blog, same old lunatic meanderings.  Herein will lie the personal, the political, the angsty, the musical, the randomness and the sunshine.  I fully intend to make this blog as positive as possible, even in the political rantings which are bound to pop up at some point.  There's far too much negativity around at the moment, both on the internet and in Real Life, so I want to spread the love...

In the words of Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted Theodore Logan - Be Excellent To Each Other And Party On, Dudes.  A philosophy to which more people should subscribe, methinks.

Let the madness commence!!